an apology to the working moms

Last summer I had a line I quipped whenever someone curiously asked what I was up to now that both the girls would be in school.  I was heading back to work after 7 years of having the honor of being a stay-at-home mom.  I would quickly tell people that I was going to be a working mom, that I had been a working woman and a mom, but never both at the same time. 

And so, over the past year I've become the working mom.  The exact mom that I feel like I owe an enormous apology to.  Pour yourself a steaming cup of coffee and hear me out, ok? 

Before I entered the work world I considered my schedule very full.  It was, in its own way.  Yet I thought nothing of scheduling an entire morning to healthy food prep, or having the kids nap times to complete a workout, nap, or journal.  I guess it's kind of like the saying, "we never know what we've got until it's gone."  I truly felt like I was at capacity and couldn't understand the working moms dilemma to fit everything in.  Ouch.  Working moms, I apologize! Truly.

I just didn't get it.  Fast forward to this year.  I've found myself working outside the home while the girls are at school.  No longer are there entire mornings devoted to healthy food.  Working out must happen sometime in the evenings, when I'm not too tired from keeping all the moving parts of my life, well moving.  The balance of it all has been quite an adjustment and will continue to do so as I pursue a full-time teaching job.  You want to know what the hardest part has been? Not knowing how to talk or blog about this without sounding like I'm complaining or overwhelmed.  The truth is, I'm not overwhelmed by working.  This is the first thing non-working moms say to me when they find out I've gone back to work-"is it so hard? Is it so stressful? Is it so overwhelming?" I promise you, I've heard that dozens of times this year.  I know they're just curious and seeking to understand, much like I used to be.  But those very questions make it hard for me to speak up about the truth and reality of this season because I'm afraid it will make me look stressed, overwhelmed, and like it's too hard.

The truth is this: I want to work.  I like to work.  I adore being a working mama and wouldn't have it any other way in this season.  The balance is hard admittedly, my health choices taking the hardest hit of all this year.  Or at least the hardest for me to figure out.  But I'm figuring it out.  I'm giving work and my family my all and learning also how to put myself high up on the list too.  I keep getting back up and trying again.  I try to seek out other working moms at least in podcasts and books to pay attention to, to see how they do it.  I'm learning.

The fact that it's been a struggle doesn't mean it's been bad.  It doesn't mean I should quit working or even feel guilty for loving to do so.  I don't know how to wrap this up neatly.  Except to say if I had negative thoughts about you working moms before, I'm truly sorry.  I don't anymore.  Working moms (and this isn't a debate about stay-at-home moms versus working ones) you are my heroes.  My absolute heroes.  Here's to showing up to our lives, taking the time to understand the "other mom", and being able to speak up honestly and for ourselves without being judged. 

Now, are you a working mom? Do you have tips, podcasts, blogs, IG accounts for me to glean from?