I read something this week that really stuck with me. It was about the middle moments. The author was writing truthfully about the fact that sometimes she'll be too skinny, sometimes bigger. Sometimes exhausted, other times very well rested. Either way, she decides to show up.
It was at this point I found myself nodding along, the 'ol familiar lump of tears stuck in my throat. All the best things make me react that way. Sometimes I'll even stop mid-sentence and look at Brett, point to my throat and just shrug. He understands every single time. Some moments or thoughts or truths make my heart swell so big it's as if it says "Hey, let me up there, into the eyes where I can help you see better, feel better, love better, and accept love better" and out come these tears.
Through reading Simply Tuesday, learning to be content with myself, and a year or two of trying to "make it big" as an artist, this summer I've traded my crown and scale in for the slow. It's rather hard to constantly measure up and hold a crown on one's head anyway. My heart, hands, and head all feel lighter, yet deeper. Change has been on the rise for the last year for us. And friends, although it was scary at first and often painful, it is now good. So good.
Last fall our family entered into a new season for us, leaving our traditional church and starting a home church instead. In my art world, although some of my big ideas went great last year, a whole lot more of them didn't. Silence, cancellations, and dead ends seemed to fill the spaces. Had I the choice to do it all over again, I would. These taught me not to value my worth on how many likes, stats, IG followers, or whatever else it is people are paying attention to these days. Instead, make art to make God smile.
Through our home church we've discovered family. At any given moment of any given day, I have a small group of ladies I can call on, for any reason. The same is true of my dearest friend who lives down the street. By putting in the time and letting myself be vulnerable and open and a real friend…I have gained the truest friend. All of this is possible because we were brave enough to jump into something new last year we felt God calling us too. Our faith and knowledge of Christ has grown roots deep into the soil. Definitely not without some growing pains, but we're growing.
Here's my take on the author's statement about simply showing up anyway:
Sometimes I'll be smaller, sometimes bigger. I'm showing up and feeling pretty either way.
Sometimes my house will be organized and clean, other times it will look very, very lived in. We'll still be here, either way.
Some days we'll eat roasted veggies and rice and other times Taco Bell or Chick-fil-a drive thru because although you may cringe, we actually like that food. :)
Some days I'll feel happy and joyful and full of ideas, other times I'll feel like the news and disciplining my kids and letdowns in the art world and chores are closing in on me. Either way, I'll decide to show up, looking for the rosy in the routine.
Some days I'll be deeply exhausted, but ok. Lots of days actually. Sometimes I'll be truly rested and refreshed. I'll simply show up to my life both times, hopefully laying complaining aside. Tiredness is not a terminal illness. Sometimes it will be from something out of my grasp (ornery toddlers who wake), other times it will be because I'm slipping back into perfectionism and need to give it a rest.
Some days things will look like they're changing around here. The change may be slow and steady or come all of a sudden. As the last year has taught us, both are good and we can be okay through it.
All that to say, I am a work in progress. You are too. And we are both more than okay.
We can look change in the face and walk right through if Jesus is in our side. And He is on our side.
I feel Him in the good tears, see Him in the spiderwebs, hear Him in the sound of the bugs.
For all the middle moments, which is really where most of life is,
let's celebrate the merry.
The rosy in the routine,
the merry in the middle moments,
the treasures in the time we have.
Signing up for my Photography Rosy Retreat is a great way to take a day for yourself to learn how to savor and capture your story. Read more here or email email@example.com
(see you tomorrow for another DIY post!)