Keep trying. Keep noticing. Keep showing up.












Being mama has been so challenging lately.  I think back to my pretty quiet days with one tiny baby and remember that felt so hard.  (and in the back of my mind now, think-really?!) I hesitate to say something is hard because I know the right responses to say and they stop me in my tracks. I know I'm blessed to be a mama. I know my girls' ages (both toddlers, 17 months apart) are challenging.  I hear it gets more challenging as they get older.  I know we have all our needs met.  I know God can give me the patience I need to discipline and teach and love just one more time.  I know the parents of 4 or 5 kids are probably rolling their eyes at me with "just two." I know the non-moms are probably wanting us moms to stop complaining.  I know all those sides to this conversation and the angles and this ways and thats. 

And so the days sometimes get long and hard and I don't tell a soul because my voice is reaching a audience and I don't want to sound ungrateful or make someone second guess wanting to be a mama because of my real life rant.  And then this.  I step outside, usually in the middle of dishes, laundry, dinner prep, and housecleaning all at once….

and my "I know's" exhale….
my fears of being authentic are released.  My wanting to tread softly is just gone.  Instead, I just feel myself being softly held in God's arms.  I feel His reassurance that of course this parenting thing is hard.  The hardest.  But the greatest.  The absolute greatest.  And then I breathe real, real deep….all the way from my toes……and let my cares and worries and weariness float away into the dusk. I hear God tell me to keep trying, keep noticing His visions of love and pointing them out to my girls (they are absolutely learning to be in awe of God's love for us), keep showing up.  I come back in with a beautiful picture captured and hope, rest, and peace etched onto my heart.

And then…a "thank-you", or kiss on the cheek, or a "May I have that next please" between the girls…an eager helper to unload the dishes, an excited "Look at the pretty sky Mama!", a plea to "read another bible story…and I know the good stuff is getting through. 


Comments

  1. I think every now and then we need that little reminder that raising our children, and especially at their current ages, is supposed to be hard work; good, satisfying work but hard none the less. I remember the days of just one baby rather fondly too - I can't remember what I found so daunting at the time!!

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    1. Lol, I totally agree with you Carie about the one baby thing! I think it was just the adjustment to getting used to having someone needing you all the time.. anyway, I'm with you on letting it be okay to remind ourselves this parenting business is hard work! But really a calling….such a great calling :)

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  2. Sara,

    Beautiful post! Very well said indeed.
    Susan

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  3. So beautiful. My girls are 19 months apart. I had bad post natal depression and anxiety. The youngest turns 10 in 2 weeks. I cannot believe the journey I have had as a mother but I do know that just like the other struggles in my life in past years.... These struggles are part of what changes me into becoming who I am meant to be if that makes sense. I grow as they grow. Before kids I thought parenting was something I did to kids, but I learned it was actually a two way street and I was parented as well. Love to you.

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    1. So fun to hear another mama with girls so close! It's wonderful, it's chaos, it's the best. Wouldn't you agree? I totally agree with you that our kids parent us as well….my girls are my greatest teachers.

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