Well friends, this is my Instagram "Top 9." Have you heard of this phenomenon? Top 9 (google it) is a tool you use to see which of your Instagram posts were the most liked from the previous year. You all know how I feel about numbers-I'm usually so not a fan. But these little end of year visuals have become a favorite of mine. This year, these nine little squares got it right. I would say this is a pretty accurate look back at 2018!
Whew, what a year it has been. I often go into auto-pilot mode, just doing my life from day to day as efficiently and energetically as I can, never stopping to let the past sink in. The end of year reflecting is always good and even healing to do though, in my opinion.
Obviously, you all along for this social media ride with me like my paintings! I admit, it's been an area I've just taken a bit of a rest from. Partly due to my new job, partly due to not feeling it as much. But when I look at these floral paintings they do something to my heart. That bottom left one makes my heart ache so much I wish I hadn't sold it. That's a sign that it's true, true art from the deepest part of my soul. So I'll get there again.
Last Christmas found us with our baby as we were still fostering. It was fun to have a baby back in the house again. We registered Betsy for kindergarten and Anna finished up her kindergarten year and prepared for first grade! Along came spring and with it the hardest goodbye I've ever, ever, EVER had to say-to our baby. Maybe more on this if I ever write that book I say I will. It was at least six months before I could mention our baby without my lip quivering and my eyes filling. I will say this-when we said our goodbyes, sweet baby was left in the best, most wonderful new foster mama hands I could have ever asked for. I won't explain the details of the situation because they're not mine to hand out. But I know without a shadow of a doubt they are right where they belong.
So last spring felt sad. Really, really sad. A few things that helped were the garden, going on little adventures and hikes with the girls, and preparing for a beach vacation. I also started applying for jobs, feeling the tug to get back to work. Long story short-I had two interviews two days in a row, with two different school districts. I even showed up to one interview a whole day early without knowing it, but left with a job.
Since then I've been really enjoying being a working mom and have settled into a new routine that actually isn't as hard or overwhelming as I expected. I am hoping to get a full-time classroom teaching job next year as I recently renewed my teaching license!
A theme throughout the last year has been finding magic among the mess and being open to seeing and hearing God in my day to day life. Not when I get healthier, not when I'm on a dreamy vacation, not when I feel extra happy. Just everyday. For example: see that teeny, tiny turtle up above? One Saturday morning we were outside in the yard, not doing much really. I had slowed down my steps, quieted my soul, and was just walking around looking down. I don't know how my eyes even noticed this tiny creature, except for I kind of do because I've been training my eyes for things like this for days! Right there on the ground was literally the tiniest turtle I'd ever, EVER seen. It brought me such joy. Apparently, it brought you all joy too!
Want to know what else apparently brings you all joy? Me sharing the real stuff of life, like the mess you see pictured above and like the blog post I shared recently about not being able to afford counseling and what I am doing instead. Vulnerability is hard for me these days on the blog. I used to be so vulnerable and then through several cringe-worthy moments and conversations a few folks used my words almost against me, thinking they had my heart and head pegged just from reading my blog posts. In turn, it made me want to shut down. But, I'm starting to come around towards sharing more real life stuff again because one of life's greatest teachers for me are other vulnerable bloggers and authors. There is just such value in sharing our stories, pieces and parts at a time.
It's knowing which pieces and which parts to share when that I think is key. I'm going to do my best to zoom in on what my heart is telling me in the new year and share my story in a way that inspires you and reminds you we're all in this messy, magical thing called life, together.
I'll end with my thoughts on that picture of the girls and I, on our first day back to school. This is your friendly reminder that there's ALWAYS more to a photo than meets the eye. I posted this picture and you all really liked it, enough for it to make the Top 9 grid! What you didn't see or know-(TMI alert!) my endometriosis was acting up BIG TIME in this photo. Yes, you read that right. On my first day back at work in SEVEN years I had cramps that could have easily put me in bed for the day. I was puffy and very uncomfortable and didn't even know where the teacher's lounge bathroom was. Plus, I only knew one person at my school. For this introvert, going in and making all new friends and being a professional all over again and learning names of so many children all while feeling really awful...well, it felt like a lot. You all didn't see that in this photo, you just saw me dressed pretty and my beautiful girls. But that's the real story behind the photo.
And you know what? I made it!!! I did the best I could that first week, day after day. Now going into work feels COMPLETELY different (better!) than that first day. Gentle reminder: No one is brave and pretty and strong and healthy and gorgeous and stylish and perfect and wonderful all at once. We're all just doing the best we can.
What did you learn last year?
Are you glad it's over?
Do you make goals for the new year?
No comments:
Post a Comment