"I'm finding I'm not able to do near as much as I thought"...or something close to that. This is the line I read in Shauna Niequest's life-changing book Present Over Perfect. Her point was when she unloaded her plate a bit, so to speak, she found she could do fewer things than she thought, if she were to do them well.
The same is oh, so true of me, as hard of a journey as it's been for me to realize that and admit it. But how freeing to know our limits! I am an avid dreamer, a gal with a wild imagination. You'll almost never find me without an idea in mind, or most likely a whole handful! Enough to go around for days and days. Ideas for events, paintings, photos, crafts with the girls, and new things to cook. Music to listen to, Pinterest ideas to try, books to read. These are the things flooding my brain, almost constantly. I got to the place a year or so ago where I realized I wasn't doing well at much of anything because I was so scattered.
So I made a change. I wrote down just a few areas to focus on and put my head down and got to work. My "to do" list shortened but my memories and ministry grew by leaps and bounds. Suddenly I felt more free about choosing to tackle the mess in the closets instead of ignoring it and paint instead. I started placing my family as my first priority and my best priority, not my other thing to do that was keeping me from my true passions and talents. As ugly as that is to type (and as hurtful) it's where I was.
All that to say, as I changed my mindset my schedule shifted too. I don't have set studio hours to paint, it just happens here and there. As my photography business has grown (such a blessing!) my painting time has dwindled at times.
Now, as the dreamer that I am, that is admittedly frustrating at times for me. I want to do ALL the things, ALL the time. But my heart simply cannot leave my loved ones trailing in the dust because I had my hands too full of dreams.
For now I am painting when I can, sketching here and there. I aim to manage some little pockets of my days better, getting me back into a more regular routine with art.
Because oh how I crave it. I almost physically long for a paintbrush in my hand and my eyes long to see color fill a page. It is necessary to the very fiber of my being.
While I do miss painting so often, I'm not missing much. The precious, priceless moments with my children and my dear Brett are worth more than painting could ever give me.
For today I choose this-"Inch by inch, life's a cinch. Yard by yard, life is hard."
Inch by inch I'm learning to embrace the ministry and love and creativity God has called me to as both a mama and an artist. Inch by inch, I'll paint my passions.
Yard by yard, life isn't hard when I keep my heart in focus.