I'm finding myself drifting a bit more through the days. Waking up at 5:30 sometimes, but not all the time. Lingering a little longer in the garden....and then treating the girls to a "snack dinner" (popcorn, fruit, cheese, sliced pepperoni) and them thinking they hit the jackpot as far as summer goes. The pace is giving lots of room for space. Within the last year I've tried a whole plethora of things as an artist and in the three years before that, even MORE things. You see, the thing about being a dreamer is (other than getting accused of having your head in the clouds) there are always ideas. Buckets, stacks, and piles of ideas for new things to try and new plans. Not a bad thing in some situations.
I did, however, find myself asking God this week...."Can't you just turn off the ideas?" Your eyes are probably bugging out, thinking that's the most awful question to ask such a loving God who put the ideas there in the first place. I don't really mean I want them to go away it's just that I have a longing to know my God better and better and better that is BIGGER than the ideas. After a year of so much busy it's what made me decide to slow down a bit...allow the pace and space of summer to do some work on my heart and in my life.
I still get antsy (sorta) some days when I let the realization sink in that to really experience God I'm going to need to go all in and only dip my toes into social media, instead of the other way around. Our current culture is so media driven. Bad. Don't think so? Think back to just a few years back when we ate delicious food and traveled new places and communicated often.....and the entire rest of the world didn't even know about it.
A week or two of being all in and I'm changed already. I'm reading a whole line-up of books and letting my prayers and questions take front and center, the sketching and painting after. (books are: Savor, A million little ways, and anything by Holley Gerth)
Being an artist and a dreamer, it can feel like everything is riding on that ONE sale we're going to have or that ONE perfect piece of art, or even that ONE retreat. What I'm finding though...that is reducing us and our fabulous, incredible souls and minds to almost nothing. Last week I had a buy one, get one sale and guess how many sales I actually had?
I, naturally started to panic. And then got really sad. I have to be honest and say it doesn't feel good. But the truth is, I'm not just about an art sale. At the heart of what I really, really want to do is this:
"Stay right where you are, as you are, complete in your identity as an image bearer, and reach up your arms to God, reflecting his glory with your life."
(from a million little ways)
THAT is where I'm at folks.
Trying to figure out how the thoughts, desires, and ideas that sit waiting to pounce in my mind, line up with the hands raised and head lifted toward heaven, wildly praising my God.
I won't show up on the blog and preach at you all summer, I promise.
I won't even show up seven days a week like normal.
There are two campouts planned this month and my annual trip with my most favorite gal pals.
In-between the garden time and pool splashing and hot dog eating and sprinkler jumping and loud music listening...I'll be thinking of this space and how I want it to land in a month or two. Because here is an extension of there...my blog, an extension of me. If I'm undergoing renovations, uncovering the dirty, tumbled, and cracked parts, surely this space will be a reflection of that.
I probably won't figure out my entire life and purpose this summer...most people who look like they have that figured out, don't. We are all an incredible mess. Each one of us has a million little layers hidden beneath our surface. I'm determined to hand God the peeler and stand open and willing to be revealed. To stand solid on the truth that in God there is enough, we are enough, there are enough opportunities (always) to go around. Choosing to sit out on some things a season doesn't disqualify the calling.
Are you with me anywhere in this conversation? Does your heart feel that same quickening, to get back to something we had in the old days of community instead of gathering likes and loves via social media? Or have you figured out a way to master both?
I'd like to hear where you stand on this.
Grab a hot dog or slice of watermelon in one hand and my hand in the other and let's have a summer that changes us. That takes us on wildly fun adventures and stretches our prayers wider and deeper than ever before. Let's learn how community can surpass our greatest imaginations, even via social media. I'll meet you here.
(this was a new painting I just finished. I have about 20 paintings in my mind RIGHT NOW, remember...ALL the ideas, ALL the feelings live camped out in my mind ALL the time, lol. Be back soon to share some new art and a snake friend that showed up in the yard)