Last week one brave soul (hi Christine!) reached out on my foster care post and asked some questions. I say "Go Christine, you brave soul!". I am asked about this topic pretty much on a daily basis. My answers are met with LOTS of typical responses, many of which I have worked hard to smile and nod at. The top response I get from the general public is "I could never give the kids back up." You friends know my stance on this. You could if you really wanted to. I've seen other people walk this road and still stand afterwards, so I'm counting on the footsteps they've left in front of me to follow, bravely if this is where our journey leads.
I've said it before and I'll keep saying it. If you have a beating in your heart for foster care, to help in any capacity, don't ignore that. Don't let your fears speak louder than your fire. I am an INFJ gal who is rated "highly-sensitive". Not exactly your poster child for a foster mom. But, WE CAN DO HARD THINGS.
Pep talk over. Now onto answering your questions!
Well ok, and also let me say this. We are not all called to be full-time foster care homes. Some will disagree with me, but there it's out there, I said it. When my girls were both babies (17-months apart I might add) and Brett was traveling for work most weeks, I didn't need to be a foster mom too! My plate was already full enough. When I'm encouraging you to act and help I mean those of you who HAVE felt the whisper to take a meal to a foster family, to donate your time to foster families, to love on DHS workers (instead of complaining about the system), to donate clothes to foster care kids, or to open your own home. It might not be your season to jump in and full-time foster.
Or it might be.
Now for the questions!
Do fostering families in your state have a support system to help you weather the roller coaster ride of fostering?
Yes! At least in my specific part of the state, we do. My family became an open foster care home through a ministry called The Call. It is a christian ministry that trains and equips families for foster care. One specific example of how this ministry has helped my family was by opening their clothing closet up to us when we first got our little one. I was sent home with bags of clothes for my little one! We are also able to ask questions from other foster care families if we need too.
Do you have friends who meet for play dates with the children they foster?
In this season of life we're in with a 5 and 6-year old already, we don't really do playdates during the days with babies, like we used to anyway. With that said, our little one has their own preschool they attend to be around babies their own age and then we have playdates with friends and family after school that they join right in with! We don't do playdates specifically for foster children because we consider our little one our kiddo for now. They have joined life with us and go along with whatever we have going for the afternoon/evening/weekend!
Would you foster older children? like elementary school-age? or will you foster only babies?
Great question! I have been asked this question and my answer has been met with all kinds of responses. My short answer is only babies, because we want to stick with kiddos much younger than our own. That is just a personal choice Brett and I talked extensively about, prayed about, and made up our minds about from the get-go. We have really had to stick with our gut on this because many people have not been understanding about our age limit. At all. The largest group of kiddos needing a home is definitely older kids and especially teens. It is hard for some to understand why we wouldn't take that age in and something I've had to stop apologizing for to people because it was filling me with unnecessary guilt. Brett and I now say this: if someone has actually had a 5 and 6-year old already (like us) and walked in our shoes and fostered and THEN want to question us, bring it. But if you haven't actually fostered yourself, or have only older kids in your home and want to question us, we won't entertain your discussion. You don't get it, because you haven't been us.
That sounds so mean, but you'd be surprised how once you open to help you also open yourself up to criticism. We don't let people rain on our parade.
At the end of the day it's Brett and I standing together with our little family, not the general public.
Your daughters are young.... how do they feel about having another little one?
They LOVE it! Overnight they gained a new sibling and one that is much younger which is fun to them! Of course, it isn't always rosy and fun and games, but it wouldn't be if I had birthed our third child either. There has been some adjustment, as there would be with any family change. For example, our little one can have a very difficult time in the car. And unfortunately, we are in the car daily. Our current solution is head phones for their tablets, which they only get to play in the car.
They offer to help with our little one, want to give hugs and kisses, play together, and think foster care is just a very normal thing. They have adjusted very well and I think grown-ups could learn a thing or two from their bravery and acceptance. ;)
What is your favorite memory of impacting the development of this child?
Where to even start? And I'm not sure how much I can say because rules with foster care are weird and complicated.
I will say this: our little one went from being a scared, tired, teeny-tiny little one to a happy, loud, talkative, curious, playful, little one who knows sign-language for "more" and "all-done" , new words, has a huge appetite, and copies everything we do around the house.
Well friends, I hope this was helpful!
Do you have other questions?
Ask away!
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