Christy Nockels starts her podcast, Glorious in the Mundane, by always saying "Hello all you beautiful people!". I just love that. Sometimes the internet can feel like this big, ugly expanse based off the Facebook headlines or the hate thrown to and fro. But really I believe on the other side of the screen, at least this rosy screen, are all you beautiful people.
So borrowing the words of my favorite podcaster, "Hello all you beautiful (rosy) people!". Since I mentioned it, let's start with the podcast that is not only getting my attention, but also getting my heart and at times, even my tears. Christy Nockels has been such a minister to me for years, but through her music. Somehow I stumbled upon her podcast last year and quickly added it to the growing lists of podcasts I just knew I would have time to listen to. Well the truth is not only do I have much less time to listen but I'm also finding it really necessary for my soul's sake to only listen to what truly matches my heartbeat. I have gobs of podcasts saved on my phone and noticed one afternoon that many of them were just causing me to feel restless, bored, or uninterested. They just simply weren't topics I was dealing with. Then I switched over to Christy's "Glorious in the mundane" sessions, which sounds a lot to me like finding the rosy in the routine.
From her soothing voice, lyrical way to express her life, and sensitive heart towards people and God, I almost instantly began to tear up and take notes. I haven't stopped listening since and in fact, her podcast is the only one I listen to. All that to say, you should check it out for yourself.
As for foster babies, we currently don't have any still. I can kind of sum up this season, but really words can't quite do it justice. All of the not knowing what is going on or what comes next just has to be explained by God in time. Long story short, before we ever even opened we were told we could pick the age of the child we fostered and we could choose how many. This was a HUGE anxiety for me because as you know, we already have two little girls! I thought I could take care of one more child, maybe two. We were told there was a need for babies with stay-at-home moms and definitely felt we were on the right track. Fast forward to this summer. Yes, we've had 3 kiddos in our home. Although only for a short time there is no doubt in my mind we were able to truly help them. And my, how they helped my heart.
So why no placements currently? Well the truth is we received texts about kiddos but they have either been older teens, or sibling groups. Or sometimes it gets quiet and we don't receive anything at all. I still feel very called to one baby. The truth also is that it seems to be the norm for a foster family to open up and then take in a placement they said they would never do, because of the need and prayer and God changing their minds. So me sticking with the calling God has given us specifically has been really, really hard. I have been fighting loads of guilt when I keep having to explain to people that I truly feel like I can parent one more addition, not two or three or four. This doesn't seem to make sense to a lot of folks. A lot of my reasoning is quite practical. It's no secret in the past when the girls were little I fought anxiety and depression pretty hard. You all know this is HUGE motivation for me when it comes to my health. Not necessarily the scale, but instead my spirit. I just feel strongly about protecting my mind and body and using it past where I feel capable, yes, but also not totally overwhelming myself and calling it God's will.
God's will looks different for everyone. He is teaching me that "more_______" doesn't equal more ministry. More kiddos doesn't equal more ministry. But man, the pressure and questions and comments sure do have me feeling like I'm not doing enough. In fact, I almost cringe when people ask me about placements. I know people are just being kind, but it's hard to explain how we are an open but empty home.
I hope that truth didn't just get ugly on the blog. That's never my intent. I just want you to know where we are and that it's hard. I wouldn't be who I want to be if I only shared the rosy photos and not the truth blurred into the background.
But can I also tell you that there are a few LOUD voices in my world who keep reminding me to do what God said, not what the general public said. I have had whispers of encouragement that remind me it's okay to not know what is coming next, to listen hard to God, and rest in his truth for me.
I want to be like that for someone. It is life-giving. In the meantime, I must confess this season doesn't make a bit of sense to me a lot of times. Just last night I dreamed so long about one of our little foster babies. I woke up with a deep ache and sadness and tears I almost couldn't quit. That's something else that has been difficult to explain to others. When asked how long a baby was with us and I say "two days" people look at me in bewilderment when I also say how much we loved the little one. This foster care world is a different world. For now, we are still here praying and believing that God called us to help for a reason. I'm trying to remain strong in Jesus and not let guilt completely eat me up for sticking to my boundaries. If God wants to move my boundaries, he can. But for now I have the strongest urge every now and then to just wait. To stand and wait.
A few things simple things that are just my favorite lately are DIY tea latte's, homemade caramel sauce (not sugar free but ok for a treat), and reading Love Does. These simple joys help keep my mind at ease and not caught up in anxiety 24/7.
Tea latte: Just type this in Pinterest! You will find so many options! I'm not doing coffee much these days, but if/when I do this pumpkin spice latte is also amazing! I didn't follow the recipe exact, but I hardly ever do. It was extremely tasty and made me rethink ever wanting to go out for coffee. Unless it's The Daily Roast in Eureka Springs that is.
Homemade caramel sauce: Recipe here! This stuff is seriously rich, a little bit goes a long way! We've been enjoying apples dipped in this caramel.
Love Does: This book came out like five years ago and I really resisted reading it because everyone was reading it and had such opinions. But I'm reading it now and I just adore it. I am underlining so much and gaining a lot from the book.
With the school week feeling extra full we look forward to our weekends more than ever!
The weekends are SO HARD for me when it comes to sticking with my healthy eating choices. I do pretty well, but would like to do a bit better. I do include my a meal (or two) to eat whatever I like during the weekends. It's all the extras I'm making or being around (like these pancakes) that I choose not to eat that is hard for me sometimes. But I feel better when I stick to the foods that work well for my body. Which isn't pancakes and syrup. But something about that weekend makes me think JUNK FOOD. Life is funny.
One thing we really like to do as a family is take our bass boat out and do some exploring and fishing. We don't usually catch a single thing but being together and on the water is a gift in and of itself. We live about two minutes from the boat ramp and we've gone out on the boat ever since the girls were itty-bitty babies. In fact, Brett and I even got engaged on the boat on the lake! Now that the girls are older it's super easy to head out. We just jump in the truck and go!
If you follow me on IG then it's no secret I'm back to painting! I have a bit of wiggle room in my schedule now with the girls being back in school. I was honestly terrified the first day I started to paint because I just kept wondering if I even had any creativity left in me anymore.
The good news is, I do! As soon as I started moving my paintbrush across the page something lit up in me I hadn't felt in a long, long time.
Something else creative I've been working on the past few weeks is a display of my art and photography that I just hung at our local library. Y'all, I really, really love our local library. I mean I have for years! The people that work there know us quite well and have in fact, become my friends. We go to the library very often and it is so much a part of our day-to-day lives. I was renewing our library books online one day and saw an ad posted on the webpage, looking for local artists to display their work. I immediately thought I wanted to apply, and then proceeded to change my mind about a million times. I've tried so many things and put myself out there so many times and heard nothing. I didn't want this to be the same.
But one afternoon as I was folding laundry (again) something in me just refused to quit trying at opportunities. I called the library up and they said yes. So for those of you who are local, my art and photography is on display at the Springdale Public Library for the month of September. I am a bit nervous but mostly very excited!
"It's a big world" is a new painting I completed and added to the shop. You can view it here if interested!
This painting has so many layers and textures, bright colors, shimmer and shine, and a patch of golden stars. I just had so much fun with paint again on this piece! In fact, it filled me with so much joy I was inspired to start a handful of other canvases as well. I look forward to sharing these works in progresses over the next few weeks.
Have you done anything creative lately that has filled you up? I'm already digging in my heels over the inevitable stack of artwork that will pile up that I don't really like, before I land on a piece I do. That's the truth of this process!
I'm not sure what spurred my thoughts both forward and backward almost instantaneously but I kept remembering how once upon a time I would linger on the farm with my camera, just to capture the magic. One morning after we dropped Anna Ruth off the farm was just glowing with webs, dew, and sunshine. Instead of heading in to immediately start the dishes and laundry Betsy Grace and I decided to load up in the truck and make our way down to the farm.
I'm so glad we chose to really live instead of skipping straight to the chores and being cooped up inside. There is something about being in the great outdoors that just truly speaks to me, as if God himself is whispering behind every rustling leaf or glistening with every dew drop. He is so present, if only I quiet my soul long enough to notice.
Of course we couldn't have Anna Ruth miss out on the magic and wonder of childhood (and adulthood!). As soon as we arrived back at home we loaded up once again, this time to check out our creek. With our eyes peeled for snakes (we didn't see any), we played in-between the sun and shadows.
We are finally starting to find our own rhythm that works well for the after-school time. Some days we go places like the library. Other days (most!) we come home and let the girls play. And my how they play! Anna Ruth is going to start an after-school club soon and I suppose come winter we'll find our way into letting the girls join a sport, music lessons, or a hobby they're interested in. But for now, we play! Learning to attend school has been enough for our equal parts extrovert/introvert home.
A few other simple joys I've made a mental note of this last week were having my sweet neighbor friend walk down one night to chat while we were eating dinner, becoming more responsible with my night-time chores and routine to create an easier morning, and talking with the girls in the car after school. I also have some bottles of homemade kombucha that look fabulous on the counter just waiting for the weekend, a day date to celebrate our anniversary late and my upcoming birthday, and high hopes for this weekend and a less busy schedule.
How about you? Are you reading this week? Making/cooking/listening to anything I should know about? Are you in the middle of an unknown season like me or is it smooth-sailing?
Sending you love!
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