I'm back: Changed. Different. Unsure.

I've been on a bit of a vacation from the web.  It's been glorious and life-changing. 

And that's not even being dramatic one bit.  

I've been writing.....old-school way, in Microsoft Word. 

I suppose something that could be viewed as a strength or weakness of mine is that I like being honest and open and sharing my thought processes with others. 

And so, over the next few days I want to give you a peek into the inner workings of my mind, 

while away from Facebook and Instagram. 

Perhaps you'll be changed, amused, or befuddled as to why I would become that girl whose "not on Facebook".  I realize how UN-popular that is to say, write, or even whisper. 

I'm just suddenly so tired of popular.  Of the superficial interactions I give my mind, time, emotions, and energy too all. day. long.  While my real life art, passions, and people get a lesser version of myself. 

And so, I'm done.  To what degree, I don't know. The Rosy Life blog will stay, definitely.  Just not so rigidly scheduled and machine-like.  I am not a machine, and I won't pretend to be just to get higher blog stats, cranking out blog posts six days a week.

I want to quit Facebook completely but I'm still figuring out how to keep in touch with people (because NO ONE emails anymore apparently).

I like Instagram.  So it'll stay in some form or fashion too.  (You can follow me if you want.  I'm sunshinebysara)

And now, for the story I sat down intending to share. 

An excerpt from my Word journaling over the last week..

"Sometimes I think how I must look to God.  I wake up and instantly check Facebook, Instagram, and my blog.  I make breakfast, sneaking peeks here and there at my phone.  I capture a cute moment with the girls.  Send it out into the “world”.  And repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat. 

By day’s end I’ve clicked, liked, and pressed heart’s ‘till my fingers should be blue.  But have I really connected with another human soul?  Found my way into the company of a good friend?  No.  Have my hands felt the warmth of a genuine, living, breathing, human?  Probably not.

I’m missing it.  I’m desperate to be an Internet Superstar, yet empty. 
I crave:

Crafts, made with love for myself and others

To serve God in a way that pains me, to feel how His heart feels

To talk and express how I really feel, without worry over judgement

To connect with others

To sit around our table with a community of friends who have endured the famine and the feast with us

To show the girls how needy our world is for Jesus and how brightly He shines

Twinkle lights

Rosy Retreats with a PURPOSE to impact a hurting, lonely world.  To have women leave empowered to be a LIGHT for Jesus to a needy world.  Not just leave with a pretty craft.

To stretch the limits of my creativity, using what I already have on hand (and not giving into the monster that says I need more, more, more)

To be brave

To have long hair and cute glasses and wear boots

Silence

Movies under the covers with hot chocolate

To unplug

To sit and really listen to a great album

To talk with friends

To laugh, long, hard, and often

To train my artful eye

To party and feast

So much of what I crave (most of it really) cannot be found on the internet.  It’s as if I can feel God telling me to shut it down, so that I may invite the GOODNESS of God in.  I don’t mean the easy, happy go-lucky life.  I mean the holding God’s hand tight because this is a new, scary, and hard life.  Being brave.  I feel like I’ve outgrown this same sad story and song I’ve been writing endless lyrics too long ago.  It’s decision time.  Either jump and see where my wings will take me or stand still until they’ll no longer fly. 

I picture myself taking the hard, yet wonderful choice of flying.  I imagine they are beautiful wings, handcrafted by God’s angels.  I can see God laughing and delighting in my flight pattern, eager to show me a world just on the other side of the mountain top I’ve been scared of for so long.

I wonder what it would look like if I let God radically change my life?  If instead of saying “But everyone’s on Facebook and Instagram, how will I keep up and connect?” trusting that God is the ultimate connector.  What if I stopped trying to plan miracles and connections and jobs and attention?  What if I slipped out of the technology world quietly, only leaving a trace of my old self behind?  Could I trust that God is a music-maker, scene painter, dream changer, even behind the scenes? 

I’m ready to take the slogan I’ve heard so long “Off your device, and into your life”, and be.  Be present, brave.  To stop over planning, because it kills magic.

Can I let go?  Can I sink into my life and magic and twinkle lights and merry-making without making it all viral?  Can I give myself a vacation “away” from this stupid machine of a computer? 

I want to. I need to.  I need to craft and make and read and watch and view and listen and pray and sleep and be emptied so I can be refilled. "