I'm back: Changed. Different. Unsure.


I've been on a bit of a vacation from the web.  It's been glorious and life-changing. 
And that's not even being dramatic one bit.  

I've been writing.....old-school way, in Microsoft Word. 
I suppose something that could be viewed as a strength or weakness of mine is that I like being honest and open and sharing my thought processes with others. 

And so, over the next few days I want to give you a peek into the inner workings of my mind, 
while away from Facebook and Instagram. 

Perhaps you'll be changed, amused, or befuddled as to why I would become that girl whose "not on Facebook".  I realize how UN-popular that is to say, write, or even whisper. 

I'm just suddenly so tired of popular.  Of the superficial interactions I give my mind, time, emotions, and energy too all. day. long.  While my real life art, passions, and people get a lesser version of myself. 

And so, I'm done.  To what degree, I don't know. The Rosy Life blog will stay, definitely.  Just not so rigidly scheduled and machine-like.  I am not a machine, and I won't pretend to be just to get higher blog stats, cranking out blog posts six days a week.

I want to quit Facebook completely but I'm still figuring out how to keep in touch with people (because NO ONE emails anymore apparently).

I like Instagram.  So it'll stay in some form or fashion too.  (You can follow me if you want.  I'm sunshinebysara)

And now, for the story I sat down intending to share. 
An excerpt from my Word journaling over the last week..

"Sometimes I think how I must look to God.  I wake up and instantly check Facebook, Instagram, and my blog.  I make breakfast, sneaking peeks here and there at my phone.  I capture a cute moment with the girls.  Send it out into the “world”.  And repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat. 

By day’s end I’ve clicked, liked, and pressed heart’s ‘till my fingers should be blue.  But have I really connected with another human soul?  Found my way into the company of a good friend?  No.  Have my hands felt the warmth of a genuine, living, breathing, human?  Probably not.

I’m missing it.  I’m desperate to be an Internet Superstar, yet empty. 
I crave:

Crafts, made with love for myself and others
To serve God in a way that pains me, to feel how His heart feels
To talk and express how I really feel, without worry over judgement
To connect with others
To sit around our table with a community of friends who have endured the famine and the feast with us
To show the girls how needy our world is for Jesus and how brightly He shines
Twinkle lights
Rosy Retreats with a PURPOSE to impact a hurting, lonely world.  To have women leave empowered to be a LIGHT for Jesus to a needy world.  Not just leave with a pretty craft.
To stretch the limits of my creativity, using what I already have on hand (and not giving into the monster that says I need more, more, more)
To be brave
To have long hair and cute glasses and wear boots
Silence
Movies under the covers with hot chocolate
To unplug
To sit and really listen to a great album
To talk with friends
To laugh, long, hard, and often
To train my artful eye
To party and feast

So much of what I crave (most of it really) cannot be found on the internet.  It’s as if I can feel God telling me to shut it down, so that I may invite the GOODNESS of God in.  I don’t mean the easy, happy go-lucky life.  I mean the holding God’s hand tight because this is a new, scary, and hard life.  Being brave.  I feel like I’ve outgrown this same sad story and song I’ve been writing endless lyrics too long ago.  It’s decision time.  Either jump and see where my wings will take me or stand still until they’ll no longer fly. 

I picture myself taking the hard, yet wonderful choice of flying.  I imagine they are beautiful wings, handcrafted by God’s angels.  I can see God laughing and delighting in my flight pattern, eager to show me a world just on the other side of the mountain top I’ve been scared of for so long.

I wonder what it would look like if I let God radically change my life?  If instead of saying “But everyone’s on Facebook and Instagram, how will I keep up and connect?” trusting that God is the ultimate connector.  What if I stopped trying to plan miracles and connections and jobs and attention?  What if I slipped out of the technology world quietly, only leaving a trace of my old self behind?  Could I trust that God is a music-maker, scene painter, dream changer, even behind the scenes? 

I’m ready to take the slogan I’ve heard so long “Off your device, and into your life”, and be.  Be present, brave.  To stop over planning, because it kills magic.

Can I let go?  Can I sink into my life and magic and twinkle lights and merry-making without making it all viral?  Can I give myself a vacation “away” from this stupid machine of a computer? 

I want to. I need to.  I need to craft and make and read and watch and view and listen and pray and sleep and be emptied so I can be refilled. "

Comments

  1. Why can't you live closer? Ack! I feel this way totally and completley! I did go off facebook awhile last year but went back on after a few months because really no one does email. But I understand this and your needs! Blessings!

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    Replies
    1. Isn't it funny that no one emails? I mean, it's not THAT old of a thing! :)

      I'm getting even more old-fashioned and sending you a real letter, via snail mail today.

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  2. Have fun, and listen to your heart!

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    Replies
    1. Thank-you friend!
      How are things in your crazy-talented, sewing part of the world?
      :)

      Delete
  3. I feel your thoughts exactly. I feel the need to unplug this coming year but also to really use my blog to grow in my photo journey and to share real feelings, i am always worried about judgement. I want to be secure with myself and my feelings this year. I am glad I found your blog and I look forward to your posts even if they aren't daily...I am going to follow you on Instagram too, I am clicketynix ... Our blog is cuspfish If you are interested in photo blogs. Happy new year...

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    Replies
    1. It's nice to meet you! :) Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts. I think there can be a way to unplug, and yet when we do choose to plug in-make it more thoughtful and intentional. Or at least I hope so. We'll see :)

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  4. Sara,

    Thanks for the reminder of what is important. I know I need to unplug. I never thought I would ever be so overwhelmed with blogging, Pinterest, facebook, instagram, twitter, google plus, and so much more. It is so consuming.
    One of my favorite bible verses is BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. I often remind me that I can not hear what God wants me to do if I am not still and listening for him.
    I hope to make more time each day to pray and listen to God.
    Blessings,
    Diane Roark
    www.recipesforourdailybread.com

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  5. I can certainly relate to everything you have shared here. I have had those same thoughts and feelings, that this year has to be different.

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