The many ways to help with foster care.

 We walk around feeling like we're expecting.  We're not, of course, in the way meaning we aren't carrying a child for nine months.  But we are so, so close to becoming an open home for foster care. 

We will be taking in little ones, ages 3 and under.  Most likely ages 2 and under.  I imagine by June our world will have shifted, a new chapter started in our book of life.  A little one should be in our care by then.   I've started mentioning this in conversation as I meet new people.  When asked about my family it feels strange to only mention Anna and Betsy, without also mentioning the little one who will be ours, even if just for a bit. During these conversations I'm often asked questions.  It's easy to point fingers and say that more people should be involved with foster care, but the truth is many people don't know how to even get started. I had a conversation with a mom at the library just this week who wanted to help, but didn't know how. 

That was totally us a couple of years ago.  Do I think every single family should take in foster children?  No.  Many families are at capacity already, life handing them situations and scenarios that are enough.  Taking in an additional foster child may just be too much and that is okay.  But for those who feel called, who want to learn more, and who want to help-you can! 

There are so many different ways to help with the foster care crisis (because it is truly a crisis that needs so many of us to step up and actually do something). 

For example, my sister's family, my parents, and my mom-in-law have all volunteered to be our support families.  This means they helped watch our kids while we did foster care training, and filled out specific paperwork to be able to watch our foster baby as well. 

Many kind volunteers kept us fed with delicious food during our training.  That's a way you could help. 

You could also cook a foster family a meal, give them a gift card, or take some groceries by their house. 

You could volunteer at a clothing closet, where foster parents can get what they need. Remember, foster kiddos are coming into a home on very short notice. 

For those in Arkansas, you could look up The Call or Project Zero and ask what volunteer needs they have.  The Call is the Christian organization we went through to receive our training.  Project Zero is an organization working to match waiting families with waiting kids in the foster care system for adoption.  In fact, Project Zero posts their needs directly on their Facebook page. 

You could do a foster families laundry.  

You could encourage a family by sending them a card, a scripture, or something fun in the mail. 

You could mentor an older foster kiddo, especially one who is close to aging out of the system.  You could help teach them life skills like how to use a checkbook, get a job, secure housing, etc.  If interested in this, contact The Call. 

You could love on the workers at DCFS (DHS) by taking them lunch.

Last, but certainly not least, you could pray.  Pray for the families like us stepping out to love, pray for the children and teens who so desperately need someone to love them. 

These lyrics haunt me lately-"So when you see me crashing, 

And there's nowhere left to fall, 

Will you lift me even higher, 

to rise above this all?"

From the outside in: our foster care update

From the outside in, this looks like another post where I harness the rosy in my routine, producing images that bring a smile and an appreciation for the small things in life.  Where rain becomes art, blooms help our eyes behold the beauty of spring arriving in all its glory, and something as simple as my cat perched upon the green grass makes life seem simply dreamy in the country. 

From the outside in we look like just that, a family of four living the dream in the country, cows in the pasture, a country mailbox too.  And I suppose for someone aiming to buy land and duplicate a similar lifestyle, they may be slightly right.  But only slightly.  For behind our wood board country fence, and inside our big house lives a family of four with a fire burning for foster care.  There's nothing dreamy about the number of children just within the state of Arkansas alone needing a place to call home, a meal to eat, and a reason to smile and laugh. 

From the beginning of our marriage (almost 9 years ago!) Brett and I have had adoption on our hearts.  I remember sitting in church a few years ago and hearing about the foster care crisis on "Orphan Sunday".  Back then, I thought tearing up at the Heart Gallery, which is a collection of photos of kids needing to be adopted, was enough.  I counted my tears as my ticket into freedom from going any further into the foster care crisis.  I came, I cried, I was off the hook. 

Basically, I just didn't get it yet.  I even remember some very passionate speakers urging everyone to get involved with this need and I sat fuming.  We had a farm and a family! How on earth could they expect us to fit one more thing into our busy lives?

I just. didn't. get. it. ! 

If you've been around here for a while you know that we have been on quite the heart journey the past couple of years.  That adoption dream I mentioned? Well it never went away and about two years ago we met with a local agency and went through the entire process to become an open home. I cheered on that wonderful day we were declared "open" and held my breath each time we would be approached about a baby.  I remember the first one was on Valentine's Day, a sure sign the baby would be ours because that's my Momma's birthday and I AM the queen of finding hearts everywhere, right?  I cleaned the house in a fury, and could hear my heart pounding as loud as a bass drum all afternoon.  But then the pounding stopped and a new kind of sadness I'd never before experienced crept in all the nooks and crannies of my very being.  The baby wouldn't be ours. Oh, how I cried. 

Lesson one was dropped into my heart that moment though, because for the minutes and hours and days after I prayed hard for that sweet Valentine's baby.  Not to be mine, but for warm clothes, plenty of diapers and hugs and kisses, and plenty to eat.  For love, sweet love.

This went on for a while.  We'd go months and months without hearing anything from our agency and then would hold our breath with every "yes" we gave when we did get called.  Nothing ever worked out, at least not in the way that would have made sense to us.  But boy how I prayed for each of these babies, every single time.  I couldn't imagine a tiny, 7-pound baby facing the world alone and needing someone to meet their most basic needs as well as their emotional ones.  In fact, I still can't even think about it without my heart squeezing so hard it makes me cry.  

Over time as things got more quiet at our agency,  things got louder in our hearts, the podcasts we listened to, the sermons we mulled over, the messages on the radio, and the very whisper of God that just wouldn't quiet.  We just kept hearing about the words "foster care" every single place we looked. It was evident that this was something we needed to pray and talk about, so we did.  Most of last summer was spent on our back deck, having conversation after the girls went to bed over what to do. I really wrestled with this, contacting every single adoption avenue I could think of, talking to anyone who would listen about our calling for a baby and yet, our void. 

Part of the reason why I fought the foster care numbers so hard was simply because of being misinformed.  I was picturing us taking in a whole slew of kiddos, and teenagers at that.  Something we just weren't prepared for.  I didn't know that God was calling me out on the waters, yes, but that He wouldn't let me drown.  

Slowly over time, the faces of these precious lives in foster care crept in to every facet of my being.  It was suddenly so clear that we needed to do something and do it now! I felt like I was standing in my front yard, my huge house stocked to the brim with clothes and food behind me, facing a crowd of hungry kiddos.  I could picture their needy eyes, their brilliant talents and personalities staring back at me, just begging to be loved and given a chance. 

We put a call in and closed things with our agency, a sadness I can't explain if I must be honest.  We then started the foster care process, and were told we could pick what age of child to take in (we chose younger than our own), and how many children at a time.  Both things I was highly fearful about in the beginning, yet God laid my fears to rest helping me see we could help right where we were, with the ages that would fit right in with our family. 

The process to become an open foster care home was started and it was extremely lengthy.  We had to start all over, from square one, none of the papers or state forms transferring from our previous agency.  During the training God had his hand on us.  We had two counselors for trainers, one of whom encouraged me through text when I needed it most.  It wasn't all rosy.  People always approach me with words like "wonderful, so exciting!" about our journey and while in the big picture it is, there have been moments where people have dumped discouragement on us about our marriage, our family, and our choices. During one of the lowest moments where I was seriously wondering if we'd made the right choice, our counselor trainer reminded me to keep my eyes on Jesus ONLY when walking on the water, and I'd be more than okay.  If I looked around at the waves and the people creeping in with their doubts and discouragement, I'd drown.  But if my eyes stayed steady on Jesus, the fire would burn, and we would be triumphant. I believe the words "More than conquerors" came to mind. 

We've now completed all training, every bit of paperwork checked and marked and signed and filled in.  We have been waiting two months for a BIG call to schedule our home study, the last step needed before we become an open home.  We received the call last Friday (!!!!!) and will have our home study done tomorrow.  Then we wait some more and hopefully within a couple of months we'll be an open home for foster care!

I hope the twinge of sadness in this post doesn't make you wonder why we're doing this or make you doubt our excitement.  We are truly, truly excited! I've decorated the extra bedroom, the diapers are stocked, the chunky puzzles hidden away in a drawer just begging for someone to play with. 

It's just that sometimes it feels almost wrong to use the word "exciting" because my excitement comes at the cost of another parent and child.  I still dream daily of adoption, but I know in order for that to happen through this process, someone else will experience great loss.  It's such a bittersweet concept to try to process.  

So back to the church service where we were all urged to do something about the foster care crisis.  Do I still believe we should?  My answer has drastically changed, because now I think the answer is yes.  There are literally hundreds of kiddos in the U.S. needing the basic, "boring" things we provide our families and kids every single day.  Things like a safe home, love, a plate of food, a warm bed, and Jesus.  To us, these might seem mundane, just look at the number of books written for christian moms on these topics.  But these everyday things we do are actually our greatest weapon in the fight against evil. 

Can you imagine the healing that can take place over a bowl of soup, a warm bottle, a clean change of clothes?  Jesus says that whatever we do unto the least of these, we do unto him.  We can be Jesus to these precious lives wandering the night, looking for a bit of light and a place to call home. 

The thing is this.  In my past life I worried so much about my weight, my art dreams, my weight, my perfectly decorated house, my BIG dreams to grow in popularity on the blog, that I had no room in the inn for the needs of others.  I wasn't wrong necessarily, I just wasn't ready.  When I read the verses that God had bigger things ahead for me than I could think or imagine I was picturing magazine layouts, a book deal, and craft retreats booked months in advance.  Is any of that still in my future? Maybe. 

But what I'm realizing now and what I hear whispered to my heart on a daily basis, is to grow smaller, so God can grow bigger. He hasn't left my dreams of painting or writing or photography in the dust because the same God that dropped foster care into my heart is the same one that lights my soul up like electricity when I pick up a camera or paintbrush.  I still dream of things like writing a book and including my own photographs, and I have new paintings coming to the shop this spring. But these are all icing on the cake now, my hands and arms elbow-deep in the smallness of following Jesus in the quiet places, the less noticeable. 

We are about to enter a new phase of our lives and I haven't a clue what God is up to.  We've obeyed, but we have no plan for the future other than to be ready to say "yes, God".  We are standing at the edge of the cliff or mountain and tomorrow as soon as our home study is done, we jump.  As Erin Hanson writes, "What if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?"

Although not fearless, we choose to fly. 

Our foster care fire burns. 

*Please send any questions regarding our process to sunshinebysara@hotmail.com*

*I'll follow up with a post with some practical ways YOU can help too! There are so many ways to get involved that don't actually mean taking kiddos into your own home.  From supporting foster care families, volunteering at a clothing closet, taking a family a meal, the opportunities to help are endless.  And there is no such thing as one kind of help equaling more than another, in my eyes.  Every single tiny bit helps! I'll share later this week!

Pizza, prayer, and PRIDE training

I suppose I'm breaking all kinds of blog-savvy rules this morning by combining a title with a post when the two don't seem to be married together at all, at first glance at least. 

But stick around and hear me out.

We had our first weekend of foster care training last Saturday and Sunday.  We actually started the weekend off by also completing our CPR skills test, after working throughout the week on a five hour online course.  So we accomplished a lot in three days over the weekend!  

Saturday was a nine-hour day of training, followed by a six-hour day on Sunday. 

These photos were taken from a previous day, where our hours were spent in the company of our farm woods instead of with paperwork, new information, and new friends. 

I've been asked a few times how the training went.  I hesitate because I truly just don't know how to answer.  My rosy self wants to just answer "great!" and be done with it.  The truth is our emotions over the training and whole foster care process run the gamut.  Naturally.

The training really is going well.  We are learning so very much, have two awesome teachers who are both counselors themselves, and have met such a nice group of people who are also becoming foster parents just like us.  It's a club that few get so it has truly been nice to be around like-minded people.  

The content of the training is clearly no picnic.  It is hard, hard stuff guys.  I don't know a better, more rosy way to say it.  It is for sad reasons these precious babies and kiddos and teens need a soft place to land.  Do you see why it's tricky when I'm asked how training is going? 

With that said, we are firm in our calling for foster care.  Our hope and faith in this calling and season of our life is unwavering.  There are kiddos who are waiting, who will need us, and you'd better believe we'll be there. 

I do feel like I'm walking around in a foster care fog though, I'll admit.  A few things are helping balance the hard right now.  Things like taking long walks through the woods with our girls, watching Snow White with the girls, pizza (yes, I ate pizza!), music (Us the Duo, I love you), reading books, cooking, lighting a candle, and hugging a friend.

Is our "hard" the same as these precious lives are going through? No.  I almost cringe to use that word.  But something I felt like God told me a long time ago was not to discount my own life, honesty, and story for the sake of others.  I matter too.  So I'm being honest with you that I'm walking around a bit glazed.  But boy does a dose of rosy help.  

Things like keeping up with Project Life, checking out books from the library, and starting a new photography learning course online.  

And YOU all! Brett and I have such a tremendous support system that watch our kiddos, cheer us on, encourage us, and check on us.  We are forever grateful. 

I'll still be showing up here, one of my most favorite spots ever.  But if I hesitate to know how to talk about this process, it's just because I'm still processing. 

Maybe I'll write a book about all this someday! 

Now your turn-how are you? Truly? 

Why foster care?

I'm treading lightly this morning, although it may not seem like it with that big, bold subject line. "Why foster care?" feels like a loaded blog title and it probably is. I've had seasons before where I've tossed and turned over how honest to be in this space.  This blog isn't a money-maker for me, nor is it an attempt to make a huge name for myself or gain a whole host of followers. It is simply my spot to reflect, to show up and share my story mostly with my own self, and yet also to encourage others at the same time.  I've always thought honesty was the best policy and my most favorite people are those that are honest, but also with a healthy "can-do" attitude and general rosiness.  

This is why I struggle sometimes to know how to put pen to paper. I admit, in this particularly busy season of ours I'm choosing to limit my intake of social media.  I've noticed when I read too much negativity from someone or a blog, like about every single bad moment in a day or how crazy life is over and over again, it doesn't encourage me but makes me feel like maybe my life will be that crazy too! And the truth is, my house and home and family are mine, not someone else's to control like a puppet.  I can choose stress and crazy and bad days or I can choose peace and rhythms and routines that will promote calm in the midst of even chaos. 

I am trying to choose well.  We have certainly chosen well with foster care.  It isn't all cupcakes and rainbows and that's why I'm answering the question-"Why foster care?" in this sacred space of mine today.  We're at the stage in the process now where free time is being used for lengthy CPR/First aid courses, gathering paperwork, going to physicals, receiving training, making copies, etc, etc, etc.  

There is so much to do at this point!  The next three weeks will be very intense for our family and I ask for your prayers for rest, strength, and fun tucked into these busy weeks and weekends. 

But all that is really not why we're choosing foster care.  I feel like it's the reason why a lot of people don't choose foster care.  Maybe it seems overwhelming or they don't know where to start.  Maybe they're like we were and are picturing a house full of children, too many to even handle.  Maybe someone is wondering why we would choose foster care, when our lives are certainly full already with our girls, the farm, and my photography.  

I can kind of understand this thinking and these doubts.  Last summer it became clear that things just weren't getting anywhere with our adoption agency.  We'd go months without hearing a word, while our hearts and home sat empty and knowing God had something in mind to fill it with.  We began to pray and listen to sermons on the back deck very frequently.  The summer of 2016 will alway stand out in my mind as the "back deck summer" because it's where we wrestled really difficult questions, agreed, disagreed, and then agreed again on what we should do.  It's where God changed our hearts, piece by piece,  until we felt absolutely sure we should close the door with our adoption agency and chase hard after foster care instead.  For in the gaps of silence from our agency we were absolutely surrounded by stats, news, stories, and scriptures that made it so clear there was a HUGE need already for families to foster. 

You guys, there were/are hundreds of babies, children, and teenagers with no home. 

Literally nowhere to sleep, no mama or daddy to love on them, discipline them, and show them what a FUN thing a family is.  How on earth could we have sat with this knowledge and turned away? 

We couldn't have and we didn't.  I remember sitting through an "Orphan Sunday" service at church, years ago.  I looked at photos that traveled from church to church of children who had no home.  In an instant God gently asked me to picture my own children on those posters, being carried around from place to place looking for a place to call home.  It made me come undone, and still does. 

THAT is why we are choosing foster care, mostly because it choose us. We believe God's scripture clearly states that we should "defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed." (Psalm 82:3)  We believe that everyone, not just a select few, should play a part in this orphan crisis our nation is facing, and more specifically, our state. 

The calling doesn't have to be one size fits all.  My friends who text me "You can do it!!", my sister and parents who babysit my kids while we complete training, the volunteers who DO the training, the ones who make meals for foster families, the ones who donate clothes, the ones who provide babysitting....each of them are a part of our foster care story, it is not just about us.  

And that sums it up right there.  It isn't about us.  It's about a child with a calling and a story for their life, just as much as we have on ours.  We aren't any better or different because we live in a big house  on a farm.  Every single child deserves a warm place to call home and the love of parents.  Every. Single. Child.  THAT is why we're doing foster care.  

In the next few weeks and months I'm going to be honest with you about our journey.  I've never believed in sugar-coating and won't start now.   My honest thoughts now are that there's no stopping us, but we are admittedly a bit tired.  I can't even imagine getting a few years down the road and my explanation for NOT doing foster care was that the paperwork and training felt like too much.  The truth is though, it does feel like a lot right now.  I'm trying to be a great mama to the girls, while also praying and preparing for our foster baby.  It feels like a new balance I'm not quite used to yet.  I'm drinking more coffee than normal these days and having to show myself some grace in a few areas like jogging and my photography business.  I'm not keeping up with texts or playdates like I would prefer, but again, this is all so temporary.  In a few months we'll welcome a little one home and I can promise you these tiny details will fade away.  God is dropping seeds into my heart for my photography business that you and I both will get to watch grow later.  

I struggle to be honest because I know how selfish my honesty sounds and that trips me up.  If I say I'm tired from doing paperwork, I instantly think how absurd that is because I got to sit by the fire or at my beautiful kitchen table with a hot mug of something, to do paperwork.  All the while there are kiddos looking for a place to sleep for the night. 

That is why the honesty thing is hard for me now, because even on my most tired or busy day, I still have the world.  I can't be ok with myself if I got to the end of my life and did nothing about that, if I just seeped in my own rosiness and home and didn't share with the great, big hurting world that needs some hope. 

That is why we choose foster care.  The roar of the babies, children, and teenagers is too loud and at the same time, too silent for me to ignore.  There are kiddos without a voice or a home.  I've looked that need straight in the eye and I will never, ever be the same.  I can't sit down in this thing called life and look away.  I must do something.  So for us, we choose foster care.  We choose to open our home to babies, ages birth-24 months.  We will love them fiercely and grieve greatly when it's time for goodbye.  We will be forever changed. 

(Thoughts, questions, comments?)

And tomorrow on a lighter note...."How scrapbooking is saving my sanity", lol. 

Our foster care journey begins....

Our Christmas was simply wonderful.  How was yours?   I have photos galore from all the merriment, but we still have one Christmas to go so I think I'll save them to share together.  We certainly ate like (gluten-free, sugar-free) kings and queens, and enjoyed the company of family.  Time felt slow, which is a rare treat.  As soon as Christmas day was over, we hit the ground running with home projects, paperwork, phone calls, and more to begin our foster care journey. 

Back on December 5th we attended our first informational meeting about foster care.  We left ready to start the journey but certain it wouldn't begin until February or March.  Boy, were we wrong!  Instead, we have our first training weekend coming up on January 7th and will be all trained, certified, and ready by the end of January. 

As someone commented on Facebook, "that was fast!"  Yes, indeed.  In fact, I'm feeling kind of bad sharing this on the blog first because so many of you dear souls I haven't even told in person!  But the blog is so very near and dear to my heart, I hope you'll understand using this as my method of communication.  We lucked out because Brett happened to already have a few days off this week.  That is certainly helping with all the prep there is to do before our training days.  I can't say enough kind words about all the people who volunteer their time with The Call here in Northwest Arkansas.  They really make things feel much more do-able and like help is always so near.  I am so, so appreciative! 

So currently we are readying our giant stack of paperwork, which is sort of similar to the process we already did at the adoption agency last year, but also sort of different.  We are definitely at square one. 

We are also readying our home for a home study, beginning to gather baby items, and praying.  Praying for our hearts, minds, and home to be a soft place to land and for the little one that joins us to feel so safe and loved. 

To answer a few questions I've received repeatedly....

The first-"How many children will you have?"  For right now, one.  Although the process has been made so much simpler by the wonderful Call people it is still quite a process and a tad overwhelming at times, if we're being totally honest.  So for now, we're going to take it one step at a time, one child at a time. 

And another big question-"What age will you have?"  We will most likely have a child in the age range from birth to two years old.  Before we ever started this process I must have told God "no" about foster care a dozen times or more.  I kept picturing a house full of teenagers with my two tiny gals and just couldn't feel at peace about it.  Then one day I bravely asked another foster mom-"Can we pick what ages we foster?"  She enthusiastically wrote back "yes!"  and that was that.  Is there a need for sibling groups and older kiddos?  Most definitely!  Can you still choose what works best for your family currently?  Yes.  

And last-"Will you adopt?"  My honest, tears in my eyes answer is, I sure hope so.  But please know that isn't our main goal in fostering.  What I mean is we aim to be the hands and feet of Jesus for these kiddos, whether they stay 3 weeks or a year.  No matter what they will be so very loved and safe in our home.  Will I hope they get to stay?  I'm sure I will.  But I know I'll also pray for their mama and daddy, I'll love them with every ounce of me while they're mine, and if someday down the road a sweet child needs a forever home we'll be right here waiting. 

So friends, this is what we've been up to and I sure do look forward to sharing our journey with you.  If you've texted or called, emailed or awaited a response and I haven't gotten back to you, I'm sincerely sorry and ask for generous amounts of grace during this busy time.  It will be a whirlwind few weeks and then my arms will get to hold a little one!