Cheaper than counseling. (and a helpful list for you too!)

Ok friends, one of my goals for the new year is to be more vulnerable and honest on the blog.  I just think there's such value when we show up and let our true selves speak.  Let me give you an example. 

Last week I penned this in my journal-

"I spoke my truth today and I didn't panic, cry, or die.  It felt like freedom." 

I had just shared something with a friend that I'd been carrying around in my mind and on my shoulders, like a backpack crammed full of bricks that gets heavier with each step.  Call it good timing or quiet desperation or tiredness or whatever you like, but for some reason I spoke up and told my two friends what part of me needs work and how I'm going about creating ruin in order to let something beautiful grow in its place. As I stood sharing my truth, my voice didn't shake and I actually felt a steady calm.  It was almost as if I was a bystander, watching myself bravely share a struggle and gaining a certain kind of freedom just by simply calling it like it was. 

I want to speak my truth to you today too because I don't think I'm alone in this struggle. 

So long story short, after consistently wrestling with ups and downs with my weight and body image for like EVER, I decided to look into seeing a counselor to see if they could help me get over this hurdle in a way that would last.  I was just simply out of ideas on how to fix this myself.  While I do think counselors are extremely important and play a big part in some people's healing, it stunned me to find out that after insurance each visit would cost $165.   To put it quite simply, to afford such a luxury would mean dipping into our savings account.  I quickly closed that door and continued to pray about a solution.  Not a cure-all, but at least some new tools to help me heal and live a more confident, healthy life from here on out.  I'm 35 and don't want these issues following me the next ten, twenty, or thirty years. 

You might think the story ends there or is a complete downer, but it's not! It's really not! Help was on the way, I just had to look a bit harder for it. 

Since that inquiry about counseling that totally didn't work out to now, here's what I've discovered on my path of searching.  I think you'll see, like me, that there really ARE resources available to us that are much cheaper than counseling.  We must be willing to do the work, just like we would if we showed up to a counseling center week after week.  

If you're like me and this is a sensitive topic for you, I know the holidays can be brutal.  Food is everywhere! Please feel free to take a look at what I'm reading/using/listening too and see if any will help you too. I've been doing the hard work of fixing my insides while also fixing my outside choices and it feels so, so good.  I am feeling healthy, strong, NOT deprived, and WHOLE.

I'm feeling whole.  

Helpful things:

1.) Purchasing Shutterbean's Food Journal (a whole blog post coming soon!) here in her Etsy shop.

2.) The book Body Kindness! I ordered this used off Amazon. I am only a few pages in and already it is a HUGE game-changer.  A totally new kind of thinking for me.  It is revolutionizing my thought life towards myself. 

3.) The Emotional Eater's Repair Manual.  I ordered this used from Amazon also and actually haven't even received it in the mail yet.  But it was recommended by the blogger Shutterbean (just google it) that I mentioned in number one so I'm going to give it a try also. 

4.) And really that leads me to another helpful thing: I have been paying attention to, listening to, and learning from other women who are like me and LOVE food and cooking, and who want to have a healthy body but don't weigh themselves and work out constantly.  So the blogger Shutterbean is one I pay attention to.  I also think the founder of Noonday, Jessica Honegger (look up her name on IG) has a very similar outlook on health as I do and so I pay attention to her tips too. 

5.) PODCASTS-Just today I discovered a whole handful of podcasts on topics like being sensitive (which plays into my eating habits), endometriosis, emotional eating, etc.  that I want to listen to over the break.  I say a huge "thank-you Jesus!" for helping me find all these resources at once.  

Look these up: 

*The Going Scared podcast.  The episode I started today was with Steph Gaudreau, nutrition and fitness expert. I haven't finished it but so far she has quite the story when it comes to her health. 

*I also discovered Steph Gaudreau's blog and that she has her own podcast called Harder to Kill Radio.  (disclaimer, I haven't listened to this yet and when I went to subscribe it said some of the content was explicit.  Listen at your own discretion!)  I have seen she has episodes on being a highly sensitive person (me!), endometriosis, and a whole host of other health topics. I plan to listen to this with headphones and decide if the content is helpful over the break.  But so far I'm excited. 

Ok friends, there's my whole heart laid out on the inter-webs for all to see. 

This is what I'm working on and I don't feel a bit of shame sharing, but instead bravery and proud of myself.  We get ONE life.  That's it! Can you imagine if we live buried alive our whole lives?  By shame, guilt, and life-long issues? 

I'd rather live split open, bursting with growth and blooming with bravery and beauty. 

Join me?