Stillness starts with me.

Something I miss often is stillness.  I want to see if you can relate.  I blog about my personality type pretty often, which feels like a giant contradiction most of the time.  I have always been pegged as an extrovert, but it's only until my 30's and thanks to a few soul-searching surveys and conversations with myself that I've realized I've been pegged wrong.  I'm actually a pretty extroverted introvert, which is an entirely different thing than how I've been labeled for years.  

Perhaps this is why I find myself missing stillness.  To an introvert, the idea of a good time is being alone. For a lot of folks that word "alone" probably feels frightening because it means our worlds would actually stop spinning long enough to hear or feel the quiet.  Quiet can feel scary, yes.  It can also feel deeply satisfying.  I think about social media a lot and its affect on not only the grown-ups around me, but my kids too.  Right now I don't feel like screen time or technology is an issue with my kids.  I'm not naive though.  I know they'll grow up, get phones, and have to tackle not only the same battle to fight for stillness, but probably an even bigger one.  

I watch my kids travel along in the car or truck on our way to another adventure, eyes closed and minds wandering.  I watch them come home and immediately pull out their art supplies, imaginations, books, and sink into a chair. 

I watch them gaze up at the sky, hear them ask questions I can't always answer about the planets and stars, and listen to them delight in the smallest of things. 

My kids ease pretty well between getting chores and homework done and stillness and play.  

It's me that finds it more difficult. 

I wonder though, how much of that is simply my own fault? 

The other day I found myself scrolling as a "break". Within a span of just a few minutes there were too many needs, drama-filled posts, prayer requests, before/after weight loss pics, and women "killing it" in the small business world posts for me to even keep up.  The shocking truth?  In reality, these aren't even the folks in my inner-circle of family and friends. 

Did I feel refreshed afterwards? 

Of course not! 

I felt less than in a million ways, stressed out, and my mind all over the place. 

That was my fault though.  I could have/should have taken a cue from my kids and sunk down into a chair with a good book for five minutes instead.  

So back to the word stillness.  It's just something on my mind a lot. 

Even when it comes to this blog, the word pops up.  I think of how I used to write a post for an entire hour in the quiet of the mornings, carefully crafting my words together.  Now I for sure had WAY more time then than I do now, but that's not entirely the point. 

I think how I show up at the screen, the state my soul is in, has a lot to do with the writing. 

With IG all the rage I wonder if blogs are becoming a thing of the past. 

Do people have time to sit and read a full, meaty post? 

Blogs used to feel like stillness to me.  When I would visit a list of favorites it felt like popping into a row of houses, having coffee with a friend and chatting.  Then, on to the next neighbor's house for a stay.  

Browsing IG at a rapid speed feels like making a quick sprint through cheap fast-food places.  Fun for a minute, but feels pretty crummy afterwards. 

Perhaps I have these thoughts because my introvert self is coming out. 

Whatever the reason, I know that stillness starts with me. 

Stillness starts with me. 

When I have a still soul I'm better able to look someone in the eyes.  My mind is free to concentrate.  My body is relaxed, my breathing deep, my smile bigger. 

My relationships benefit (with God and others), my life feels more fun, and I'm able to serve the needs around me and not be overwhelmed. 

Stillness starts with me. I'm in charge of it, the boss of it.  It's up to me.  No one else will instill stillness in my life.  My kids are watching how I tend my stillness and the lessons will grow with them.

Thoughts?