Starting with reflection: What's working and what isn't?

You all, this is my absolute FAVORITE time of year! Spring and summer are for sure my happy places.  So many flowers and blooms to capture with my camera, the garden to tend, people to see at Farmer's Market, sunshine to sprinkle my face.  I lean towards the rosy on my blog, for good reason.  I truly think we can spend our time either leaning towards misery or merriment.  You know where I fall on this spectrum. What you see is what you get with me, rosy indeed.  Most of the time that is.  What I don't think people realize is that behind-the-scenes this is soul work that feels like hard work occasionally.  Not that often, but sometimes certain habits, situations, and just life things slowly chip away at my spirit, leaving me feeling not nearly as rosy as I may look from the outside in. 

You know what? That's ok.  I've come to realize my favorite people EVER are the ones who are as real in the struggle as they are in the celebrating.  I had a best friend of mine say this when I asked her how she was recently-"There have been some highs and lows...some low lows.  But God keeps telling me to get back up. Don't stay down!".  I think Lauren Daigle's song "Look Up Child" puts it pretty well in just three simple words. 

The past month or so (and really a sprinkling of days leading up that) have held some things out of my control but many things in my control that have snowballed into a bit of an inner storm for me.  You know what? A handful of things I don't have any control over and honestly, rosy attitude or not, won't be able to ever make someone happy.  I'm trying to learn to sit with that feeling.  That some people will not like me, no matter how rosy I am.  Hard for this people pleaser to face and then move on with my day.  What I DO know though is that we have so much control over our own lives.  We CAN take control of a lot in our lives and turn this ship around.  This isn't to say that we control our lives and God doesn't.  I'm not going there at all.  Instead what I mean is one tiny choice at a time, we can take our worlds and form them into something different than what they've been before.  We get redo's.  We get to start over. We get clean slates.  We get "try again!".  

So this week I'm sitting with my thoughts a lot, memories of such a wonderful weekend floating in and out.  I'm thinking about what is really working for me in my life and what isn't.  I'm going to work hard to make the changes I need to because life is too short to feel stuck and exhausted.  

Some of the changes I'm pondering/planning to make are: 

Deleting IG and Safari off my phone again-did you know you can still upload to IG and check your account from your Desktop?  A quick look at my screen time (you can find this under "Settings" on your phone) was at first horrific to me to see how much time I wasted and then sad and then made complete sense that I've been feeling the way I have.  I still plan to upload to IG because I do like it! But if it's on my desktop I won't have the option to browse all day every day. 

Filling my free time with: 

reading a book, going outside, journaling, listening to music with no distractions, painting, or art journaling. 

Letting go of: 

toxic people-not letting them have power over my sensitive soul

eating junky food -UGH.  As a recovering emotional eater, this feels so hard at first until I'm a few days in.  Then it feels better. 

staying up too late-I'm almost 36 folks.  I just need more sleep than I used to! 

Last-saying what I need to.  I had two much needed conversations this weekend about things that were eating away at me.  This was SO HARD for me.  But I did it! I did it y'all and I didn't cry or throw up or have a panic attack.  Although I came close, lol.  There is such POWER in speaking up for ourselves and being authentically ourselves. 

Really, that's the whole point of this post.  To remind you gently, that there is more to this rosy gal and blog than meets the eye.  I'm figuring out this life just as much as you are.  My rosy? My armor.  There is power in choosing happiness and joy.  I'll believe that forever.  But I also believe it's ok to be gentle with ourselves, show ourselves grace, and reflect on what's working for us and what isn't. 

Maybe you need to sit with your thoughts and bravely make a few different choices this week?  I'm right there with you, doing the hard work social media doesn't always like to see too. We can do this! I'll be back to the rosy posts tomorrow, but the behind-the-scenes work will continue. I'm cheering you on from this side of the screen!