What 32 feels like.

It's no surprise I turned 32 on Saturday since I declared my love of birthdays all last week on social media.  What can I say? I'm a twin, a lover of all things silly and fun, and only getting more sure of myself as time goes on. So really, there is much to celebrate.  

I love being in my 30's. 

Some moments of the week I feel like my tiny Betsy Grace, carefree, my hands and fingers creating in such an easy way, like that of a child.

"It's just like riding a bike".

I've learned during my 30's to not discount the right now, for always looking ahead with glitzy eyes to the sparkling future.  For really, there is no shining city in the sky, waiting like the land of Oz to make all my dreams come true.  Instead, there is God and He is good and gracious and perfect to love us every single second of every single day.  There is beauty in most moments of this precious and wild thing called life, but not all.  There are warm quilts, cups of hot tea, sparkly stars, and comfort on the nights the beauty has disappeared. 

32 feels like both a child and adult.  It feels like embracing time as a child, enjoying and discovering the right now and living like my girls, incapable of worrying or wondering months down the road.  Yet at the same time my thoughts flood with the consistent mercies of God, reminders and flashing signs on the highways of the past. Moments that tug at my heart in the dark, whispering that God has been faithful, God has never forgotten my name, God has left a path in my life thus far that can be traced to birth. 

32 feels like learning to embody the web, 

both fragile and strong. 

It's learning to embrace community, help, friendship, and vulnerability instead of cowering in safety.  The purest joy has never been found in safety for me anyway. 

32 is looking at these beautiful, smart, talented girls and wanting with every fiber in my being, to love them well and teach them the wonder and freedom-filled love of Christ.  

32 is visits with my Grandma and Papaw, worth more than gold,

laughing at my daughters' jokes,

learning more and more to love Brett well,

being silly,

a confidence in my curvy, artsy self,

and what else….

I just don't know. 

It's a big fill-in-the-blank

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and I can't wait to see what it's store.